beauty in a wicked world.

That is honestly how this summer has felt: the newest season of The Real World on MTV. From the initial move-in to the final goodbyes. Well, minus the obnoxious cameras documenting my every step.

Moving to Hot Springs, I didn't know what I was getting myself. Little did I know, I was about to immerse myself in a 'paint can' of craziness. The first concert was rough, and that is an understatement. Hell, none of us really knew exactly what we were doing, but why would we have been hired if we couldn't handle it? By the second and third weeks, I felt like we were grasping the big picture and getting into the groove of things. Of course, we had our spurts of drama. Luckily, there were no angry shouting matches. The only shouting was probably just drunken banter, and that happened quite often. Something new seemed to happen everyday that caused a ruckus. God...if only our walls could talk.

I honestly don't even know where to begin describing the past three months. I could probably write a damn novel about it. This has been one of the most stressful, ridiculous, fun, rewarding, learning experiences I've ever been through. There were several moments where I wanted to throw in the towel and walk away from the whole situation, but I pushed through. I've learned so much, professionally and personally. Even with all of the bullshit we've had to shovel through, I think the interns and I have come out on top. We each had to fight our own battles, and we definitely won that war. I'm ridiculously proud of what everyone has accomplished. I'm not usually one for confrontation (as most know), but damn...when something/someone is trying to push you down, you can't just take the punches every time.

Music is my life and my passion. This internship just reaffirmed that I cannot see myself being involved with anything else. Sharing that passion with others is my goal in life, and its not changing anytime soon. I know that I am more than qualified and capable of getting there. Its only a matter of time.

Something else I have a new found appreciation for is nature. Although I love being outdoors, I've never been any sort of avid naturist. One thing I will miss about Arkansas is the landscape. I had a "spot" that I would drive to occasionally just to get away, listen to my iPod, and clear my head. The lakes, hills, mountains, green-ness...

Although opposite, I also reaffirmed what kind of person I don't want to be in the future.


We've all dealt with a lot of things in our lives, a lot of good mixed with a ton of bad. Sometimes, you just have to stop for minute and truly think the situation over. Trying to pick out something beneficial from even the worst experiences is not an easy task, but to stay remotely motivated in the long run, it is the best course of action. Things that have happened in the past are just that: in the past. Eventually, you just have to move on, and that's something I'm really learning to grasp.

It's a strange feeling. I've been so ready to get the hell out of Arkansas for such a long time it seems, but I'm not going to lie, I was very sad to leave my roommates on Sunday. If I said I wasn't going to miss them a lot, I would be a big fat liar. I mean, speaking in 'youtube talk,' doing the Yes Dance constantly, the many drunken nights, having trendy nights and photo shoots in Hot Springs, interspersed with good conversation, Lego style dancing, stressful work days, days when we hated life momentarily, etc., who wouldn't miss it? We had some grand ol' times. One of our sound guys made a comment on how if this were a real job, it would be a cut throat competition. Well Tim, that wasn't the case. We were all in this mess together. After living and working with the same people 24/7, you can't help but get attached. It's funny how we all just clicked all of a sudden.

I just felt so detached from my normal life in Texas. Hot Springs created a bubble around me. I mean, I didn't just cut everything else out of my life, but when you are 7+ hours from everything you've known, you can't really live two separate lives. As corny as it sounds, you have to immerse yourself in what's happening right now.

Although it did take a little while, I finally felt like I could just let loose and be myself. I absolutely hate showing my weaknesses to anyone, but this summer was one of the first times I thought to myself, "You know, I'm in no way close to being perfect. Why pretend and just brush things off?" And you know, I feel like that really allowed me to learn more. To see that you have an effect on the people around you and vice versa, can't be duplicated. It is just crazy how everything works out sometimes. You never know how much strange people, strange surroundings, and strange experiences can impact you.

This is just one small chapter in my life, but as far as the last 21 years goes, it would definitely take more than a few words to describe. These have been the most jam-packed three months I have ever lived through, and I can honestly say I don't regret it one bit.

Now we are all back in our respective areas: me in College Station, Betsy at UH Law, Andy at William & Mary, Emily in New Mexico, and Charlsey studying in Barcelona. Since I've been out of the loop for three months, it is going to take some adjustments to get used to life back in Texas, but I'll get back in to the swing of things in due time.


And FYI, just because a lot of my stories begin with, "This one time, Andy and I.....," doesn't mean we are a couple. So shut up. Just. shut. up. Oy!